disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy

I know in some families the children of the first wife have some sort of higher status, but this is my home and I dont want to raise my children like that, Thamsanqa says. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. Mrs. Arslan was the first wife of her husband. But it's a hoax that has hit at least four countries to date . Bigamy occurs when one man illegally marries more than one woman. Relationships come and go, and thats to be expected. So, she accepted this relationship. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. But when a man marries for the second time he knows what he's getting into. No, it is illegal.Under Section 494 of the Indian Penal Code, if a person marries a second time, without a divorce, while their spouse is alive, the marriage is considered bigamy, which is a punishable offense. Family Process. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A Comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. 2002; 32(1-2): 58-66. Gabe and I interact regularly with our exes and their new spouses, former in-laws, and current in-laws. It is an option. That kind of baggage can be detrimental to a second marriage and undermine any benefits of being the second wife. Eva wasnt happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. She said that time was very painful for me and my little daughters. 2. Miss Nadia was the second wife of Mr. Imam. Could be many factors, but since a person in the marriage has already gone through a divorce, the option seems available and not as scary. Her husband got married to Miss Sobia who was the 2nd wife and it was again a love marriage. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding. Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. The findings were consistent may be due to cultural and religious resemblance because Al-Krenawi and his colleagues conducted their study in Arab states. What are the disadvantages of being a second wife? Polygamy | Becoming A Second Wife | Accepting Other Wives 13,077 views May 15, 2020 154 Dislike Share Diaspora Ukhti 3.66K subscribers This is a survey only! Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? There are many stereotypes associated with being a second wife. In addition, the interpretive phenomenological analysis (IPA) was used to generate a wide range of perceptions and opinions that women carry out about their experiences in polygamous family structures. But over the years, as we get in our 30s and 40s, we mature and realize that life just happens, no matter if you plan for other things. If he does so, either in public or secret, she has the right to divorce him. All of that financial mess can translate into a financially difficult second marriage. He's not a wealthy man, he has another family and I accepted that.'. 2015; 12(3): 267-289. Lateron, both married. Since that we gave importance, care and love toward each other, i accept his proposal. How Is It Different From Marriage Counseling? All interviews were audio-taped, transcribed verbatim, and were then analyzed by interpretive phenomenological analysis. He loved her, and I was fond of her, Lillian says. Polygamy has become very common in numerous cultures particularly in Islamic society. She said, I don't think I was the one that could not have children. Some second wives may have unknowingly become #2 and had thought they were in monogamy, until the husband plucks up the courage to reveal they have . She met Mr. Kamran 6 years back and married her after falling in love. The Review of Economic Studies. The world is their oyster. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. You didnt grow up thinking; I cant wait until I meet a divorced man! But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. Second marriages also have a much larger cast of characters than any first marriage. Which Board Game Sums Up Your Life: "Aggravation"? An interview guide was prepared before conducting interviews which were consisted of the following research questions based on literature. Whats not typically expected is becoming a second wife. Mrs. Ahmad was a second wife and it was a love marriage. CNN . And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. Yet we have to shake off the stigma attached to being The Second Wife and say, with a smile, Yes indeed, Im his second wife. You feel stuck and feel as if you do not belong where you are. Not many people like a second wife. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. Now the first wife has no say. In times of uncertainty you need journalism you can trust. The two new wives bullied my mother and called her names. Few helped financially in return for child-rearing to the senior wives. 17-Dec-2021, DOI: 10.54615/2231-7805.47221. My first marriage--even though it lasted five years--did not. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. A nurse brought me this far she took me into her arms and her home and decided she would be my mother. Tarrant County Mugshots 2020, Who Is The Black Woman In The Audi Commercial, Why Does Shrimp Foam When Boiled, Cdl Speeding Ticket 15 Over In California . The 58-year-old and her husband, Thamsanqa*, 65, married when Lillian was 18. If the person in the second marriage who was married before didnt have children, then chances are they never have to even talk to their ex again. Gina Barreca, Ph.D., a board of trustees distinguished professor at UConn, is the author of 10 books, including the bestselling They Used to Call Me Snow White, But I Drifted. A lady was working in front of her husbands' clinic and usually visited the clinic. The main strength of this study is that it provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. These are jealousy, poor marital satisfaction, unhealthy competition, lack of trust, and many other mental health problems [12]. But that doesnt mean that they arent a little wounded. International Journal of Social Psychiatry. However, it is possible that a person is confronted with circumstances whereby he is unable to uphold his righteousness and purity, whilst maintaining relations with a sole lady, who happens to undergo periods of menstruation, pregnancy, delivery, suckling, and other forms of ailments, etc. 1st wife of Mrs. Imam and 2nd wife Miss Nadia have attended some important ceremonies together but they did not get along (Table 2). She said "first wife of my husband always get more privilege than me." I knew society is very cruel and it would be very tough for me to bring up them without father." Khattak AK. Could Your Relationship Benefit from Marital Counseling? She told, "I used to cry in isolation". International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family. Your spouse may still have lingering feelings associated with the former marriage, including guilt, shame, regret, anger, sadness, or many others. The difficulty is usually with the first wife. The Advantages and Disadvantages of Polygamous Homes. Table 3: Frequency of co-wives for religion faith, admit the fate role, and compromise as coping strategies in polygamous marriages (N=11). Now she was not ready for 3rd. Miss Nadia was the 2nd wife of Mr. Imam. All are located in new apartment buildings in good neighborhoods; their total value is about $5 million. Islam allows men to marry up to four wives at one time but the condition is to maintain equality and Justice in all the possession whatever a man holds in material means [1]. 2014. Seven women were single before marriage, while two were divorced and two were widowed. Lillian had twins Zakhele* and Zanele* (now 39), and thought she and her husband were happy. She has been married for 40 years. 11 in-depth interviews were conducted with the help of the above-given interview guide with an age range of 18-50 years of polygamous women after obtaining initial data. Growing up my mother was abused by my father, Thembi says as she wipes away a tear. But surprisingly enough, she understood and agreed to it. Being a step-parent can be a very . We may also learn that if we dont want to get hurt again, to put up a wall, or other such adjustments. Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didnt quite open, he is nevertheless willing to do it again and at an even greater risk-- everyone knows second marriages are risky. Thobejane TD, Flora T. An exploration of polygamous marriages: A worldview. When men are taken out of the marriage market by war or by prison, women suffer. The real term for that arrangement is polygyny, "the practice or condition of having more than one wife at one time." Poly was defined above, and -gyny probably looks familar, from words like misogyny and gynecology: it's the Greek gyne, "woman." Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. 2.Explain the nature of your relationships with co-wives. And a leading women's group is applauding . She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. My husband has two wives . Khazuyeva also has two parking spaces in an apartment building on Moscow's Mosfilmovskaya Street. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. A married couple that stays together can rack up plenty of debt, but what about a marriage that ends? Social Change. Normally the husband stays in the main house and then the wives have their own homes outside, Lillian explains. You are a little older now, and you learned some harsh realities. U.S. immigration law frowns on being married to more than one person at the same time, and prohibits both bigamists and polygamists from becoming naturalized citizens. I defended my mother and my dad just watched everything unfold. After three years of this, Eva decided to file for divorce but her husband, Evelyn says, is still trying to milk her for all her money. It is a very common experience that discriminative behaviour of the husbands and unequal treatment with their wives causes several mental health issues in polygamous families. Mrs. Kamal helped to take care of her co-wife and her new born. A new law that went into effect in Kenya this week makes it legal for a man to marry as many women as he wants. She said "After it, my husband was not trustworthy for me anymore. 4. 2005; 44(1): 81-98. Barber N. Explaining cross-national differences in polygyny intensity: Resource-defense, sex ratio, and infectious diseases. She described that she was completely alone with her daughters after her husband's second marriage. There is splitting the assets, each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. Sometimes the first wifeis forced to accept it because of her own limited circumstances, and sometimes she declares war or leaves her husband." Accepting polygamy does not make. She stated, "'in my religion, co-wives expect to get along. Family pressure: Family pressure is also one of the common reasons for polygamous marriages. Judges can impose penalties for personal behaviours that are forbidden under Islam: sex outside marriage, gambling or drinking. She said being Muslim I should follow and admit the true teachings of Islam." The positive side of the study is to explore the advantages and strategies used by polygamous women were very significant. She told that She was like a witch, spoiled my whole family. In many typical cultures like India, China, and Pakistan infanticide is a very common practice despite an illegal and social evil [5-7]. I didnt really get it, but my parents are big on communication in a weeks time I was on board. Thembi says she knows people often question polygamous marriages but shes adamant that sometimes the women gain a lot more than the men. She said," My husband helped me to survive emotionally and financially". The women of polygamous families shared their lived experiences of polygamy. Instituting change for women in a male-dominated society is a daunting task; however, it is essential. Eva*, now 60 was married to my father for 28 years, and then one day he said he would like to add two more wives they were twins, she recalls. One of the misconceptions about being someone's second wife is that you'll have no choice but to have a low-key courthouse wedding with minimal fanfare, and that the ghosts of weddings past will linger. The second wife shouldn't marry unless he promises to tell the first wife. A man and his second wife in Pakistan tell of their daily fear of being killed by assassins at the behest of their families. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. Lower incentive to cheat in a marriage. Because her first husband always cursed him by saying a childless woman. 2016; 22(3): 272-286. Following subthemes were included in these main theme categories. She told that My in-laws had not good relationships with the first wife of my husband. Even though there can be many advantages of being a second wife, you might feel inadequate when filling the spaces left behind by the ex-wife and kids. Lots of people are betraying their partners while pretending to be monogamous. Its a hard stigma to run away from and can lead to many second marriage challenges. Ashraf story mirrors that of 25% of Egyptian husbands who, according to statistics provided by the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research (NCSCR), take on a second wife within three years of their marriage. In part, this is due to the fact that there is still a contingent for which a marriage without children is only slightly more honorable than a series of one-night stands. I was so impressed., READ MORE:Celeste Ntuli and Ayanda Borotho on their roles as sister-wives in Isibaya. This can make for a challenging home life from day to day. Her relationship with her co-wife was perceived to be sisterly. In many societies the concept of polygamy is frowned upon because it goes against the Western idea of loving, honouring and obeying one person until death do you part. The current study provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. Current findings are in line in terms of infertile women who accepted co-wives rather than divorce but those having children never bother to admit or respect co-wives as one of female told she is living in a separate home. She should approach him first and address the issue, Maphalala suggests. In this concern two research experts (co-authors) were consulted. The effects of polygamy on children and adolescents: A systematic review. His actions went against the traditional practice of asking for her permission and mediating until a solution is found, but legally he was within his rights. Kadyrov's second wife also has a place to stay in Moscow, with three apartments registered in her name. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? There are seriously complicated stunts involved-- trapeze artists have less difficulty in learning when to disappear and resurface at exactly the right moments than your average second wife. Mrs. Mustafa said, she approved and permitted her husband to 2nd marriage. Theyre all equal and these two women are their mothers equally. Thus, two things relating to marriage have affected the overall percentage of the population who find polygamy acceptable: more unmarried people in the population, and the fact that these. like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. She told her a tragic story. 2020; 24: 339351. Both were a happy couple with 2 boys and 1 baby girl. Here are some people revealing the truth of what polygamous relationships are really like. They adhere to the rules that all three of us set for them, like normal children. Zakhele walks in with his youngest brother, Thembekile*, 2, in his arms. Shed dropped out of school to help her sick grandmother, Nomqondiso, when Thamsanqa asked her for her hand in marriage. As some statistics have it, we are one in every four married women you will meet. The design was flexible and consent was taken for an in-depth interview. Your wedding is your wedding and you can do whatever you want. You get easily insecure and offended as you feel that everything your spouse does revolve around his ex-wife and kids. In all the other cases of infertility, family pressure was the main factor despite childlessness (Table 1). , each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. The outcomes of polygamous marriages have also been seen. These reasons are in line to some extent with the current outcomes as infertility and having only female children was also one of the major factors for polygamous marriage. Eva wasn't happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. 2006; 52(1): 5-17. They know what they want and work hard they dont just take the mans words as the Bible.. Archives of Women's Mental Health. Jealousy: Jealousy is a common response to protect ones relationship [14]. According to Ali Kurbanov, a 27-year-old practicing Muslim who is also looking for a second wife, it is difficult for a woman to agree to her husband's second marriage, however, if a woman. Crookston EM. Literature indicates that the structure of the polygamous women's families badly affected the psychological and social functioning of polygamous women and children [9-11]. What's popular and why. What Is Marriage Coaching? Policy-makers should be made aware of the implications of polygamous marriages on womens health and well-being. During my final two years in my first marriage, I was constantly telling my friends how I wanted to make my relationship work. Data collection was not collected scientific way because of qualitative study and the findings cannot be generalized beyond the women in this study [24,25]. Mrs. Kamal due to the age factor she was very distressed at the time of her husbands' 2nd marriage but with time she accepted this relationship and had a good relation with 2nd wife and with her children. But the current qualitative study is an attempt to fill the gaps that are left unexposed by survey-based or quantitative research and particularly to explore the positive consequences of polygamy and coping strategies which the polygamous women used to deal with co-wives relationships other than causes and disadvantages of co-wives. Note that I said "freely" - emotionally guilt tripping women, threatening them with divorce or withholding custody of their children from them, and other such nefarious tactics to pressure women into 'accepting polygamy' are not equivalent to consent without coercion. Bigger families imply more connections. youre over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. As she had a new born she told when she was admitted to the hospital 1st wife of her husband prepared and brought food for her from the home. Stanford University Press. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and. 5. To seek the coping strategies to accept the new relationship by co-wives. She said, in the beginning, I was not happy but with time and being realistic I have admitted and have divided the household chores. Unfortunately, those stereotypes are not accurate.